Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What a great day today turned out to be. I learned so much today. Lately I have been in a very reflective mood. I have been wading in my pool of decisions. At the top swimming with me are my children's needs. I may not be the greatest friend, wife, daughter, cook, homemaker etc... right now but I know that more than anything I have to be a good mom. When people say, "you're such a good mother." I scoff at them, roll my eyes looking into the backroom of our lives. My thoughts swivel back and forth between the present and the stacks of chaos that I am leaning up against.
For the first time in a long time I felt a sense of pride (in a good way) about my role as a mother. Everyone who knows me knows I struggle with yelling, gentleness and general sweetness. The lack or abundance (regarding yelling) made me feel like I wasn't a good mom. I wanted to join the club of good, sweet, house in order, and generally calm mothers. I wanted my ducklings to line up in a row and my kitchen to sparkle (even with all the lights on).
Today I felt different. I spent the day at a new friend's house with her children (who are also home schooled.) What a treat for our family. We were immediately put at ease and our children played very well together. Because there were very few discipline issues (thanks to the trampoline, healthy snacks, and great parenting (you go Shannon)), I could focus on being a mom. I know discipline is part of motherhood. At times it feels like that is all I do. At the end of the day there is little room for anything else. Today I discovered what a good mother feels like.
It is a realization that:
you are determined to put your children above your own comfort.
your ducklings depend on you not just for food and housing but for smiles and laughter.
your smile and laughter (even due to a whoopee cushion- thanks Susana!) creates so many strings of giggles.
your body was made to hold, heal, hear them through the waves of life
a day of laundry, (warm) ovens, videos, every toy out of place shows that love is written on the walls of your home
it takes a village of families to raise your children- and thank God for that!
Today when I looked at my children I saw that they are so easily inspired to love and their hearts stretched while my touch softened.